Death by Buzzword....

[bowyn]

Anyone know this Uncle Dizzy guy from Ebay? ID: Imagine64...
www.ebay.com/sch/imagine64/m.html?item=200834465627&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562

Good goobly moobly. I was just doodling around checking out some guitar stuff on there and clicked on his SRV strat harness.

Dear God.

I'm no genius, but as dazzled as I was by the giant color shifting fonts, something was nagging at me from the part of my brain which resisted the "OOO, PURTY!" doom rays projecting out of the screen at me.

The distinct smell of B.S.

I'm really sick of people throwing together $15 - $20 or so worth of stuff and then adding an extra $50 worth of BIG GIANT COLORFUL Crap Words

According to his pictures, if you don't pay $45 for 2 of his "vintage" pots, you're dumb.

Or maybe his "FENDER STRATOCASTER WAX PAPER .1MFD .1uF CAP PHONEBOOK CHICLET 1958-61 CAPACITOR" for over $18.00 each...

oh, wait...

"last YEAR WAS $24.95!!

SPECIAL EBAY 2012 USA DEALER COST PRICE of now ONLY $18.05EA."

and:

"made with a BODY Shell of RARE VINTAGE 1950'S FACTORY cardstocks"


While I was going to tirade on several of his postings, this one is so chock full of crap that I could go on and on about it.

Again, I don't know everything (I'm actually a bit dense) and maybe in some magic fairy dust way this guy rubs mojo off of his butt onto stuff, but it sounds to me like about a book's worth of B.S. Hype condensed into a thick stew of stupid.

To whit:

"PRICE DROP! NOW ONLY $18.05EA. A MORE THAN FAIR PRICE FOR THE BEST REPRO CAPS ON THE INTERNET!"

Ummm, no. No. Reproductions? Seriously?


"ATTENTION FELLOW 'FRIENDS OF LEO'..."

Well, ain't that cute.


"PLEASE RIDDLE ME THIS!"

What are we in a f%^king BATMAN comic now?


"HOW DOES A GUITARS' CAPACITOR GET 'THAT TRASHED' WHEN IT'S WAS INSIDE A GUITAR AND UNTOUCHED FOR OVER 55 YEARS!"

1. There was never a question posed during his raving about anything being trashed. This just sort of came out of nowhere. Oh, and Question Marks are free, friend.

2. If it is inside a guitar and untouched for 55 years, why would it be "trashed" at all?

"AND WHY ANY 'FRIENDS OF LEO' WOULD BE HAPPY TO PAY THROUGH THE NOSE FOR 'BEAT-UP', SO CALLED 'RELIC'D' INCORRECT CAPACITOR!!"

Or for that matter, pay through the nose for this guy's Repro, Reliced, overpriced crap? Besides, he can't even figure out how to use a question mark.


"(IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT REALLY IS KIND OF SILLY!)"

Oh, I gotcha there, for sure.


"CALIFORNIA CUSTOM AND CLASSIC CAPACITORS 'DOES NOT OVERLY RELIC' THEIR CAPACITORS. THEY LIGHTLY OR SLIGHTLY 'AGE' THESE CAPACITORS."

This just doesn't make any sense to me. Jeff Beck didn't walk into some Fender shop and tell them "They put a shiny new capacitor in this thing... no no no, go back there and find me a really sh*&tty one and put it in there. What's wrong with you people?"

I imagine back then Leo Fender had some geriatric ladies walking around with capacitors in their bras all day to get that good sweaty "broke in" feel to them, because of COURSE none of those "greats" would ever have considered using new equipment. "Fender? Yeah, this is Keith Richards... I just ordered me a new Tele and I received it today.. there's not a mark on it. What the hell, man? I want you to take this guitar back and beat the sh*it out of it. Rub it on some bums and get some real stink on it. Make sure all the white stuff gets that mucus/diseased fingernail look to it. You guys should know this!"


"BUT ONLY AS IT PERTAINS TO NATURAL AGING. SUCH AS: YEARS OF SLIGHT HEAT AND COLD CHANGES, US/UK REGIONAL OZONE VARIANCES."

Really? I got no words.

"TRUE ORGANICALLY TINTED TO FACTORY SPECS. AND ORIGINAL SURFACE TEXTURES."

From the Data sheet of these caps:
"...
...
Color: Must be within 1%-5% of piss-colored.
...
...
Surface Texture: Shiny is bad. Make it not shiny."




"THE NORMAL YET VERY LITTLE VINTAGE DIRT & FUNK"

Dear Guitar Enthusiasts... Dirt and Funk will now be charged at a premium. Typical dirt and funk gathered from homeless people. For an upcharge of $25, your capacitors will come from a select stock where the dirt and funk was gathered from a heroin addicted ex-super model.

+$10 for our special "Smell the Funk" versions. Not only will your guitar LOOK vintage, it will SMELL vintage as well! Ever wished your gear smelled like alcohol vomit or random stage-thrown underwear? Our special "Smell Relic" service will guarantee that your next gig will find you surrounded by an odor normally reserved for only the most rich and depraved celebrities. You can't have the FUNK without the FUNK! (tm)

Hmm.. reading his words again, I realize he specifically said "Vintage dirt and funk." The man is a time traveler.

Bzzzzpt! Time: 17:55 Date: June 7th, 1962
"Pardon me sir, I just want to scrape a bit of grime from you."
Runs cackling back to his time machine.

Otherwise this dude has a baggy of sweaty, nasty, funky crap that's he has been stowing since the 60s. "You just can't get filth like this anymore, man.. it doesn't have the same Mojo."


"AND THE TYPICAL WAX CAPACITOR SHELL WRAP SWEAT!"

Good lord... I was actually joking... but there it is...


"THAT'S IT!"

Amazing.

[cynical1]

...or that the Holy Grail of tone resides on eBay... Makes you sort of regret the whole H1N1 thing fizzling out...

HTC1

[bowyn]

Nearly sprayed soda through my nose when I realized the street sign in the picture says "Toga Party ->"

[gumbo]

Hmmmm!

.....I'll have to look in the back of the wardrobe to see if I can find any of my OLD ToneSocks from the 60s.....

[asmith]

I have yet to find a source for the broad truism that most of marketing is the act of causing consumers to make uninformed choices, which is exactly the opposite of how free markets are supposed to work.

[cynical1]

Nov 5, 2012 10:14:46 GMT -5 asmith said:

I have yet to find a source for the broad truism that most of marketing is the act of causing consumers to make uninformed choices, which is exactly the opposite of how free markets are supposed to work.

And anyone in the US has been blasted with enough political marketspeak to cause sterilization...remember to get out and vote early...and vote often...the sheep need a new shepard...take heart, only one more day...

HTC1

[bowyn]

Yep, Truth in Advertising died a horrible agonizing death a long time ago.

If the terrorists REALLY wanted to upset the American Way of Life, they'd have to target stuff like McDonalds and Verizon, etc. (to the knee-jerks, please note that I am not advocating terrorists and/or blowing stuff up, just musing on their lack of understanding as to what REALLY impacts Americans).

[Deleted]

Just a hello from the "loser" side of the world. I mean guys, empires were always like that, not only america but the ones that came before as well. An empire sucks by default, but it is always better (safer) to belong to the empire rather than to its opponents.

[bowyn]

Why is your side of the world the "loser" side?

[long813]

I've seen many people selling harnesses, but this hurts to read.

A Jimi Hendrix harness? You mean stock wiring?
He doesn't use PIO caps (which other 'vintage harness' makers use) bc they are 'commie' parts
Uses 'all silver' soldering

CTS pots are expensive, so doubt, but it's his marketing that I dislike.

Hell it cost be 40$ + tax for the 4 push pull pots I put in my guitar!

[Deleted]

Nov 5, 2012 11:45:38 GMT -5 bowyn said:

Why is your side of the world the "loser" side?

its the balkans man, do i need to elaborate any further?

[cynical1]

Nov 5, 2012 10:57:25 GMT -5 bowyn said:

If the terrorists REALLY wanted to upset the American Way of Life, they'd have to target stuff like McDonalds and Verizon, etc...

I would submit that targeting WalMart would allow them to put a dent in the US with the added benefit of taking out the Chinese as well...

HTC1

[ashcatlt]

When I was driving truck I once got a load across the Qualcomm dropping some crap at the walmart dist center in Benton, AR. Looked at my maps and figured out that I could make it to this suburb of Little Rock legally with maybe an hour to spare. As I was rolling into the Little Rock metro area I happened to come up behind a Walmart truck and noticed that it said on it "Bentonville, AR". Apparently the text field for City wasn't quite long enough. Dispatch was not happy to hear that I had to stop and "sleep" for eight hours before I could drive up to the northwest corner of the state to make the drop!

[bowyn]

Nov 5, 2012 14:15:43 GMT -5 cynical1 said:

Nov 5, 2012 10:57:25 GMT -5 bowyn said:

If the terrorists REALLY wanted to upset the American Way of Life, they'd have to target stuff like McDonalds and Verizon, etc...

I would submit that targeting WalMart would allow them to put a dent in the US with the added benefit of taking out the Chinese as well...

HTC1

Ha! How Wal -Mart slipped my mind is beyond me... My God, there would be Mu-mus in the streets...

[bowyn]

Nov 5, 2012 12:09:10 GMT -5 long813 said:

I've seen many people selling harnesses, but this hurts to read.

A Jimi Hendrix harness? You mean stock wiring?
He doesn't use PIO caps (which other 'vintage harness' makers use) bc they are 'commie' parts
Uses 'all silver' soldering

CTS pots are expensive, so doubt, but it's his marketing that I dislike.

Hell it cost be 40$ + tax for the 4 push pull pots I put in my guitar!

Holy crap, $10 a piece? I'm not doubting that at all, but that would make me cry. I just recently bought a Dimarzio (rebranded CTS) push-pull pot for the Tele I'm almost finished building, and it killed me to pay $7.50 for it, but I wanted one quick.

Yeah, the "Commie" parts bit cracked me up big time.

If I'm going to get a harness these days, which I actually do sometimes if I'm not doing something wacky with the wiring, I'll go to dragonfireguitars.com and order some there. They do a really nice and clean wiring job and it's easy to swap out this or that without going from scratch.

Mind you, I *like* building from scratch where I can, but, for examples, the Jimi Strat I'm building just needed a good standard 5 way blade switch harness and the Gilmour Black Strat I'm building, the same, but with a "add neck" toggle which I added in, those are so same same same that I'd just as soon buy the harness already done for a decent price. I'll save my "scratch" wiring for my more creative builds Oh, and because my soldering skills are effective, but messy Might not be visible, but I *KNOW* it's ugly in there, heh.

[ashcatlt]

I was dropping off those big bags of animal crackers at a distribution center in Indianapolis on 9/11. I was actually early for that delivery! Then they were way behind schedule and I had to park in their overflow lot, and leave the CB on so I could hear when they hollered for me.

Instead I woke up to the other guys in the lot trying to figure out amongst themselves what the heck was going on.

When I finally got unloaded, a couple of the bags had been broken and they gave them to me without any paperwork. I love those things! They're almost like food.

[gumbo]

"I love those things! They're almost like food."

...we say a similar thing about our politicians Down Here...

[ijustwannastrat]

Ash, I must exalt your story.

[sumgai]

ash,

Welcome back, man! ;D   It's been a couple of years since you started writing posts that were coherent, on point, sensible, and of little or no "fun value". Man, I missed those days where I spewed nearly every time you partook of the Ol' Rotgut, and then proceeded to smash down all the bulwarks of staid and boring posting here in The NutzHouse. Hell, I can't even come close to the way you used to carry on. And just between you and me, I'll let you in on a little secret: The Master himself (ChrisK) had to ask me more than once "What the hell, did ash really mean what I think he said?"

Those were the days, and while I applaud your desire to stay healthy, and presumably have more moola in your wallet (to alleviate those GAS moments, naturally), I do wish you could somehow 'have an epiphany' in melding sobriety with snot-blowing guffaws - that'd be a great day in The NutzHouse, I gar-own-tee. ;D

The rest of you Nutz, don't try this at home! ashcatlt is a highly trained professional in the art of exposing the funny where so needed.


Man, am I ever glad that I woke up today. (Either that, or else I've overdosed on my 'happy pills' again. Better go ask the other half for a second opinion.... (Nah, she'll just tell me I'm ugly, too!))




sumgai

[sumgai]

bowyn,

I think that you and ChrisK would've gotten along just fine. He too could find assinininity in a heartbeat, wherever he glanced. In fact, he coined a term that should be in the dictionary: FelderGarb.

Loosely, the German word gelderfarb means "golden color", a colloquialism that carries more than a bit of sarcasm in describing something as being highly inflated in value. Chris simply reversed the first letters, and thus came up with a term that roughly translates to MarketingSpeak. In turn, MarketingSpeak is considered the highest artform of that old saying, "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bulls**t". Obviously with strong emphasis on the latter.

And don't forget, these guys go to college to learn this stuff - they have degrees to prove that they can manipulate consumers. You know, BS, MS and PhD, degrees like that. ;D

'Nuff said.





sumgai

_{modified by Newey to delete the obscenity since (even though it's sumgai) I'd censor anyone else, and even though sg used the "nobbc" tags to avoid the anti-swearword software that HE HIMSELF installed!}

[ashcatlt]

What's so funny? These are true stories.

Truth be told, the first was a thinly veiled attempt at revealing the whereabouts of Walmart HQ. In case anyone's interested

Do you find something amusing about 9/11? When I saw those towers fall I new immediately what was happening: an elaborate plan to get That's My Bush off the air!

[sumgai]

ash,

While 9/11 wasn't funny, it was the fact that you said you were in Indianapolis at the time. I wasn't aware that the the horizon of the planet was large enough to allow line-of-sight between the two cities.....

EDIT: Ah, the glorious wonders of TV. From the above, it's obvious that I mistook your meaning. Line-of-sight indeed. Sometimes I'm like other people - I wonder about me, too!


As for 'the funny', it's the fact that you appear to have gone off-topic - queing from a single word posted by cynical1, you've alliterated (successfully, I might add) that it's not so far-fetched that the terrorists might not stop at New York, but instead might complete their mission in Bentonville. But you did it in what I consider your inimitable style, which always brings a smile to my face.



Let me go a lot further off-topic:

They say that when a major tragic even occurs, you tend to remember the circumstances surrounding you when you first learn of it. I can remember exactly when JFK was assasinated - where I was, the time of day, who I was with, who told us, etc. - all that is etched into my gray cells as clearly as my social security number.... and that was 49 years ago, lacking 2 weeks.

Sadly, I can't say the same about 9/11 - no clue about where I was, who I might've been with, nuttin'. Most definitely 3000+ lives in an act of war should count more heavily than a single man, albeit the President, but there we have it. I'm left with two conclusions, only one of which is correct.... either I'm suffering from OldTimer's Disease, whereby the long term memory is intact, but the short term memory is failing, or else 9/11 really didn't impact me nearly as much as 11/22/63. Possibly it's the latter, due in great part to the fact that five intervening decades have done much to destroy any hopes, dreams and aspirations of making this world a better place, as I was sure that Kennedy was doing.

Now? I'm the one that cynical1 has modeled his name after. Not an auspicious memorial, but what the hell, at this stage of life, I'll settle for whatever I can get.

Thinking about the above, I'm pretty certain that a wet towel would be better received than anything I might have to add, so I'll leave quietly now.





sumgai

[ashcatlt]

No, sg, you picked up on my intent. Just keepin' it goin'.

Anyway, did you know that there's a place in New York state that is halfway between Mexico and Phoenix?

[newey]

there's a place in New York state that is halfway between Mexico and Phoenix?

There isn't much of anything up in Oswego County. Fulton, NY, maybe?

[cynical1]

Nov 6, 2012 14:27:38 GMT -5 ashcatlt said:

Anyway, did you know that there's a place in New York state that is halfway between Mexico and Phoenix?

I had a buddy move to upstate NY to Hastings...I still don't understand why, but you'd go right through it driving to Oswego. Being Italian he made mention of it at the time, but the air in the van was a little blue at the time, so I'm amazed I remembered it

Palermo, at the Route 3 intersection. What do I win?

HTC1

[asmith]

Hey. Hey! Quit bogarting it.

[cynical1]

Nov 6, 2012 17:08:50 GMT -5 asmith said:

Hey. Hey! Quit bogarting it.

No longer an issue...I can't afford any artificial joy these days...

HTC1

[gumbo]

Nov 7, 2012 1:11:46 GMT -5 cynical1 said:

No longer an issue...I can't afford any artificial joy these days...

HTC1[/quote]

...get ToneSocks...they're cheap!!!!!
...and you can use them to keep your feet warm if you decide you don't like the Tone

[Deleted]

Guys, since the sound of a guitar is totally non-deterministic, and no two guitars even of same brand/type/day/factory batch do not sound the same ... then how about a little .... tone-luck!!

In my case (ibanez arz800), i needed some tone-luck, which i managed to achieve after a lot of continuous tone-pray.

[sumgai]

Hmmm, tone prayers......

You know, pyrros may be on to something here.   I mean, it's gotta be at least as good, and probably better than, internet legend and lore, right?

Where do I sign up? ;D



sumgai