Post by Runewalker on Mar 6, 2006 0:50:55 GMT -5
Chapter One: Bar Be What?
Had to travel to Memphis for business this week. No I did not go to Graceland, as that homage to high art and interior Jungle Room seduction palaces is far too sophisticated for a hick like me. This was a fast in an out trip and I thought it was going to be all business. However, turns out I got there early and the Hotel was not ready for me. So I left my bag with the bell captain and, since the hotel was downtown headed out for some Memphis BBQ and the 3:00 pm tour of the Memphis Gibson Factory.
First I have to explain my severe underwhelm-ment over this vaulted “roast” they ambitiously called BBQ in Memphis. I had two successive doses over two days, of this stuff they dare call BBQ. One from the Blues City Café on Beale street, across the corner from BB King’s Blues Club, the other from renown purveyor Corky’s BBQ.
I was immediately suspicious about the Blues City BBQ, as there was not a trace of wood smoke anywhere near the joint. As any respectable aficionado knows, where’s there’s no smoke there ain’t no BBQ. Still, trying to be the gracious guest, known for charity and loving patience, I pointedly hover over the counter by the kitchen to see where exactly they are cooking the BBQ. Then I see one of the cooks, pull a tray out of the oven and start slathering ribs with sweet cachupy BBQ souse ---- AN OVEN!
Too late, I had already placed the order for ribs. But I already knew I was dealing with a pretender. I take a hit of the tea and about gag & spew . This S|att is some kinda chemistry experiment testing the outer reaches of maximum saturation of soluble sugar. I send that ‘sweet tea’ back and order some unsweetened tea, and they look at me like I’m from Area 51.
The ribs arrive, with fries, sickly sweet baked beans and mayonaised cole slaw. The ribs were baby back pork. OK, that is considered by many a premium cut opposed to spare ribs. In fairness they were tender, moist yet properly done. But there was not a trace of smoke, no bark, and while pork is fine as a side dish, WHERE’S DA BEEF?!?!?!
I suffer through the meal until half way through I can’t take it and try to round up my waitress to get some kinda taste that ain’t soaked in sugar.
"Waitress, oh Ms, …. Ya’ll got any thing with some heat other than that weak @ss Carnation-milk Cohula sauce on the table over there? You know, some jalapeños, hot onions, something --- anything with a little taste and kick? "
"Jalapeños? What are those? "
{Oh brother.] "You know, hot peppers. "
"Oh, we have some Italian and cherry peppers."
"No, not pickles, peppers ….. sigh …. Ok, give me those."
Man oh Man, here 2 hours and already starting to have a serious Texas Jones.
Ok, I chalk it up perhaps to their making concessions to convenience --- It may have been difficult to have a real pit downtown in Memphis, although every town and city in Texas seems to have little problem with it.
So the next day at the business meeting, they bring in Corky’s catered BBQ. Same saccerine baked beans, same mayonaised cole slaw. Then the carver is masticating the meat of unknown origin into a shredded mass. No bark, and I smell no smoke. D@mn, I seeing a trend here.
Say, is this what they call ‘pulled pork?’
"Yes sir that is exactly what this is."
OK I’ve heard people go all teary eyed and weepy over ‘pulled pork’ so I guess I gotta try it to see what the mystique is. But first I gotta find out for sure if anyone here has heard of pit BBQ.
"Is cooked in an oven or outside on a pit."
Indoors, sir.
[Arrrrrggghhhhhh….]
So I grimace, and notify them that I’m from Texas and have a little experience with BBQ so I’ll give this a try.
"Texas? Beef BBQ, right?"
"Well, yeah …. You, d@mn Skippy!" [What kinda question is that???]
Indoor, in an oven??? Ok, so this is masticated roast pig.
Yes it was tender and adequately moist. But basically tasteless, unless you are talking about that syrup stuff they ladled on top and called it BBQ sauce.
I had to come back to Tejas and dose up on some barked brisket just to reassure myself the world was still round.
Clearly Texans have got to start some missionary evangelizing and assist the world out of darkness into the light of proper BBQ enlightenment. Here are a few key bullet points:
Now I will stop there and not go to the BBQ religious right and lecture that a BBQ meal without some kinda Beef ain’t BBQ. I am of the reformed order, and we allow a broader definition of BBQ meat selections, ranging from port, fish, shrimp, mutton, venison and of course Beef. Although, most seafood can’t really survive the low-slow cooking times involved with BBQ.
So Memphis, you may have Elvis, fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches, and soul food, but you need a serious education on BBQ.
RW
Had to travel to Memphis for business this week. No I did not go to Graceland, as that homage to high art and interior Jungle Room seduction palaces is far too sophisticated for a hick like me. This was a fast in an out trip and I thought it was going to be all business. However, turns out I got there early and the Hotel was not ready for me. So I left my bag with the bell captain and, since the hotel was downtown headed out for some Memphis BBQ and the 3:00 pm tour of the Memphis Gibson Factory.
First I have to explain my severe underwhelm-ment over this vaulted “roast” they ambitiously called BBQ in Memphis. I had two successive doses over two days, of this stuff they dare call BBQ. One from the Blues City Café on Beale street, across the corner from BB King’s Blues Club, the other from renown purveyor Corky’s BBQ.
I was immediately suspicious about the Blues City BBQ, as there was not a trace of wood smoke anywhere near the joint. As any respectable aficionado knows, where’s there’s no smoke there ain’t no BBQ. Still, trying to be the gracious guest, known for charity and loving patience, I pointedly hover over the counter by the kitchen to see where exactly they are cooking the BBQ. Then I see one of the cooks, pull a tray out of the oven and start slathering ribs with sweet cachupy BBQ souse ---- AN OVEN!
Too late, I had already placed the order for ribs. But I already knew I was dealing with a pretender. I take a hit of the tea and about gag & spew . This S|att is some kinda chemistry experiment testing the outer reaches of maximum saturation of soluble sugar. I send that ‘sweet tea’ back and order some unsweetened tea, and they look at me like I’m from Area 51.
The ribs arrive, with fries, sickly sweet baked beans and mayonaised cole slaw. The ribs were baby back pork. OK, that is considered by many a premium cut opposed to spare ribs. In fairness they were tender, moist yet properly done. But there was not a trace of smoke, no bark, and while pork is fine as a side dish, WHERE’S DA BEEF?!?!?!
I suffer through the meal until half way through I can’t take it and try to round up my waitress to get some kinda taste that ain’t soaked in sugar.
"Waitress, oh Ms, …. Ya’ll got any thing with some heat other than that weak @ss Carnation-milk Cohula sauce on the table over there? You know, some jalapeños, hot onions, something --- anything with a little taste and kick? "
"Jalapeños? What are those? "
{Oh brother.] "You know, hot peppers. "
"Oh, we have some Italian and cherry peppers."
"No, not pickles, peppers ….. sigh …. Ok, give me those."
Man oh Man, here 2 hours and already starting to have a serious Texas Jones.
Ok, I chalk it up perhaps to their making concessions to convenience --- It may have been difficult to have a real pit downtown in Memphis, although every town and city in Texas seems to have little problem with it.
So the next day at the business meeting, they bring in Corky’s catered BBQ. Same saccerine baked beans, same mayonaised cole slaw. Then the carver is masticating the meat of unknown origin into a shredded mass. No bark, and I smell no smoke. D@mn, I seeing a trend here.
Say, is this what they call ‘pulled pork?’
"Yes sir that is exactly what this is."
OK I’ve heard people go all teary eyed and weepy over ‘pulled pork’ so I guess I gotta try it to see what the mystique is. But first I gotta find out for sure if anyone here has heard of pit BBQ.
"Is cooked in an oven or outside on a pit."
Indoors, sir.
[Arrrrrggghhhhhh….]
So I grimace, and notify them that I’m from Texas and have a little experience with BBQ so I’ll give this a try.
"Texas? Beef BBQ, right?"
"Well, yeah …. You, d@mn Skippy!" [What kinda question is that???]
Indoor, in an oven??? Ok, so this is masticated roast pig.
Yes it was tender and adequately moist. But basically tasteless, unless you are talking about that syrup stuff they ladled on top and called it BBQ sauce.
I had to come back to Tejas and dose up on some barked brisket just to reassure myself the world was still round.
Clearly Texans have got to start some missionary evangelizing and assist the world out of darkness into the light of proper BBQ enlightenment. Here are a few key bullet points:
- If it is cooked without smoking it, it ain’t BBQ.
- If it is cooked over an open flame or coals, for less than15 minutes, it ain’t BBQ, that’s called “grilling.”
- "Putting dark, overly sweet catsup on meat don’t make it BBQ."
Now I will stop there and not go to the BBQ religious right and lecture that a BBQ meal without some kinda Beef ain’t BBQ. I am of the reformed order, and we allow a broader definition of BBQ meat selections, ranging from port, fish, shrimp, mutton, venison and of course Beef. Although, most seafood can’t really survive the low-slow cooking times involved with BBQ.
So Memphis, you may have Elvis, fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches, and soul food, but you need a serious education on BBQ.
RW
